@MomofTeen

My son can play any song by ear on the piano.

I can sort items for the recycling bin.

@MomofTeen

Relationship Status:

My Christmas tree and I are sharing a large bottle of water.

A sip for you, a sip for me.

@MomofTeen

Accidentally took a second muscle relaxant and I haven’t felt this calm since I was in the womb and my Mom was smoking and drinking.

@MomofTeen

Whenever someone says “I’m in a good place,” I want to ask for the address.

@MomofTeen

Blessed are the teens who leave the kitchen cleaner than they found it.

@MomofTeen

Do not worry.

I will take your secrets to my grave.

But, oh, how crowded it will be in the coffin.

@MomofTeen

The egg whites carton in my fridge looked like the creamer carton and now I have omelette coffee.