Fact: for every polite Canadian human there is an equally rude goose
Maybe if we all tell the virus we need to talk, it’ll break up with us first.
The Girl With The Grilled Cheese and Bacon Tattoo
I am a smart, funny, capable woman… who just tried to zoom in on a photo in a magazine by double tapping the page.
I love the excitement and suspense of hitting a bump on a back road at night. Like, was it a body? Was it not a body? Lol so fun
Welcome to adulthood. Your body now crackles like a carnival glow stick when you get up.
I’m sad… I’m gonna eat some feelings.
*6 hours later*
S.W.A.T. Leader: Sir, she’s eaten the feelings of the entire team! She… *static*
Me: *ordering “Boyfriend jeans” online* OMG I can’t wait for them to get here, I wonder what kind of boyfriend they come with!
I’m 35 and I’ve never been married.
At this point, if you ask me on a date, be prepared to tell me about your retirement benefits.
Omg this smells SO good. The kids are gonna hate it.