@MommaUnfiltered
The smoke detectors just went off in my house and no one even looked up from their phones.
@MommaUnfiltered
@MommaUnfiltered
Things that are not cool:
– smoking
– having cable
– ant farms
– beyblades
– anyone still reading this
@MommaUnfiltered
*sends self an email reminder*
Computer: ping
Me: “ooooh an email”
@MommaUnfiltered
I haven’t been to Target since February. I wonder how it’s even staying in business without me.
@MommaUnfiltered
Googles *getting back in shape*
Google: back?
@MommaUnfiltered
Coworker: sorry to bother you
Me: you should be
@MommaUnfiltered
My husband hates his new job as my IT guy.
@MommaUnfiltered
To the girl who said I should get off twitter and pay attention to my children, I want you to know I’m ignoring my husband, too.
@MommaUnfiltered
Husband: you might want to start adding an occasional LOL
or I’m kidding
or smiley emoji
or I love you into your texts…so if anything ever happens to me it throws off the investigation.
@MommaUnfiltered
Husband: you’re in great condition.
Me: are you complimenting me or writing a craigslist ad?