If I could have dinner with one person, dead or alive, it would have to be Schrödinger’s cat.
Bob: What happened to you?
Me: Run over by a truck
Bob: [runs over by a truck] ok, now tell me what happened to you
Who called it a wolf in sheep’s clothing and not a woolf?
Flock of bats
The first rule of Oedipus Club: mum’s the word.
“Peanuts make me swell up like a beach ball”
“Is that an allergy?”
I must be ill – I thought I saw a sausage fly past my window, but it was actually a seabird. I think I’ve taken a tern for the wurst.