Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of MooseAllain's best tweets

@MooseAllain : I must be ill - I thought I saw a sausage fly past my window, but it was actually a seabird. I think I've taken a tern for the wurst.

@MooseAllain: “How do you feel about this combination of paint?”
“Well, mixed emulsions really”

@MooseAllain: "What are these markings on the map?"
"They're hill areas"
"Yeah they're very funny, but what do they mean?"

@MooseAllain: I don't want to speculate about the royal baby's name, but I'm pretty sure it will start with #.

@MooseAllain: "What colour would you call this?"
"Fawn"
"What colour would you call this, o wise and beautiful identifier of colours?"

@MooseAllain: Does anybody know what the word 'delegate' means? (Asking for a friend)

@MooseAllain: "Do you know what female deer are called?”
“Does”
“Sorry - does you know what female deer are called?"

@MooseAllain: Very sad to hear about Piers Morgan. Nothing's happened to him, I'm just very sad to hear about him.

@MooseAllain: I've always been a staunch egalitarian, although occasionally I will eat other birds of prey.