@MooseAllain

“What are these markings on the map?”
“They’re hill areas”
“Yeah they’re very funny, but what do they mean?”

@MooseAllain

I don’t want to speculate about the royal baby’s name, but I’m pretty sure it will start with #.

@MooseAllain

“What colour would you call this?”
“Fawn”
“What colour would you call this, o wise and beautiful identifier of colours?”

@MooseAllain

Does anybody know what the word ‘delegate’ means? (Asking for a friend)

@MooseAllain

“Do you know what female deer are called?”
“Does”
“Sorry – does you know what female deer are called?”

@MooseAllain

Very sad to hear about Piers Morgan. Nothing’s happened to him, I’m just very sad to hear about him.

@MooseAllain

I’ve always been a staunch egalitarian, although occasionally I will eat other birds of prey.

@MooseAllain

Make porridge seem more glamorous by describing it as “Oat Cuisine”.

@MooseAllain

Seriously considering commissioning a family portrait photo and getting the photographer to photoshop all our faces slightly too small. Enough to be disconcerting, but not enough for guests to feel comfortable mentioning it.