Don’t forget if you’re a member of the Tautology Society, we’ve got our annual AGM meeting tonight.
[tracker kneels and examines spoor]
– A herd of idiots has passed this way but an hour ago.
– How can you tell?
– Look. Fresh nincompoop.
The reason I don’t like costume parties is the bit two hours in when you’re listening to your friend talking about her mum’s dementia and you’re dressed as Mario.
There’s been a fire at London Zoo. Apparently two stick insects were having sex and it all got out of control.
“I’ve built a model of Mount Everest”
“Is that to scale?”
“No, just to look at”
Bird seed is amazing. I sprinkled some on the garden and when I checked 10 minutes later lots of new little birds had already sprung up.
Enter a cafe. Ask to see the menu. Say, Have you got anything a mouse would like? When they say No, whisper into your sleeve & leave.
My wife’s written “iron school uniform” on a note. She’s full of bright ideas, but to me this sounds heavy and impractical.
In the UK we call them lifts but in the US they call them elevators, because we’re raised differently.
Writing a song about getting my front door lock replaced. There’s a lovely key change at the end.