My friend’s organising a football match and asked if I’d like to make up the numbers. I suggested squix hundring and nankety noof.
If you are single, book a table for two this Valentine’s. Keep checking your watch. Order your meal for one, tearfully. Result: Free drinks!
A cropped version of my wind turbines cartoon seems to be doing the rounds. It’s by me, if you see it.
“Help! I can’t get my jogging trousers off!”
“We’ll have to perform an emergency trackybottomy”
Very sad to hear about Nigel Farage. Nothing’s happened to him, I’m just sad to hear about him.
In a hotel room. The dog’s growling and whimpering. My wife’s worried the neighbours will think we’re having sex.
Always the barmaid, never the bar.
I’m sorry to hear your uncle was run over by a boat in Venice. My gondolences.
Catwoman’s full name is Catherine Woman.