Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of MourningGlory_'s best tweets

@MourningGlory_ : Saw some girl pull up to her mailbox, open her door & then fall entirely out of her car while reaching for the mail.

JK

It was me.

@MourningGlory_: My 22-year-old cousin: My biggest fear in life is that I won't make a difference, that I'll be insignificant.

Me: It's really not that bad

@MourningGlory_: Whenever someone tells me they get a "high" from running, all I'm thinking is, "You've obviously never been high before."

@MourningGlory_: I just ate an entire bag of Werther's and now I'm 80 years old, own a floral couch, smoke Virginia Slims, got a perm and my name is Shirley.

@MourningGlory_: WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T LIST THOR AS AN EMERGENCY BACKUP?!?!