@MouthOfSass

If you’re appraching a 5th wipe you should just take a shower.

@MouthOfSass

Life tip: If you’re curious if you’ve gotten fat, have a kid draw your picture.

@MouthOfSass

Pretty sure the neighbors are impressed with the banging and screaming they heard.

Little do they know it was just me chasing a spider.

@MouthOfSass

Just found some clothes my ex left here.
Perfect timing since I’m out of toilet paper.

@MouthOfSass

While I appreciate your enthusiasm, auto flush toilet, I kinda wanted to see that.