Me- WHOA, let me Google that for ya
CW- Google what?
* (types)why is my CW an annoying dipshit
* makes eye contact
*slow presses enter
Ibuprofen is the new Chiclets for people over 40
Me – how about a Border Collie
Wife- they have long hair, too much shedding
Me- *pulling a clump of hair out of the shower drain* so shedding is a issue?
A $300 dollar bat won’t fix a $2 dollar swing
-life lessons from Softball Coach
I’m gonna make a alternate account so I can catfish myself. I know what I like so I may fall for it
Boss – can you pass a piss test?
Me – Sure…distance or accuracy?
Me – I’m not in the mood to work today
My bank account – you better GET in the mood
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not whining because of the cold. I’m whining because I have to wear a entire load of laundry to stay warm
Ate a bowl of Captain Crunch Berries this morning. With blatant disregard for the roof of my mouth.
*runs into long lost friend*
Him- I started out on the bottom now I’m a district MGR. what do you do?
Me- I disappoint people