@MrEd_EVH: Me - how about a Border Collie
Wife- they have long hair, too much shedding
Me- *pulling a clump of hair out of the shower drain* so shedding is a issue?
@MrEd_EVH: A $300 dollar bat won't fix a $2 dollar swing
-life lessons from Softball Coach
@MrEd_EVH: I'm gonna make a alternate account so I can catfish myself. I know what I like so I may fall for it
@MrEd_EVH: Me - I'm not in the mood to work today
My bank account - you better GET in the mood
@MrEd_EVH: Don't get me wrong, I'm not whining because of the cold. I'm whining because I have to wear a entire load of laundry to stay warm
@MrEd_EVH: Ate a bowl of Captain Crunch Berries this morning. With blatant disregard for the roof of my mouth.
@MrEd_EVH: *runs into long lost friend*
Him- I started out on the bottom now I'm a district MGR. what do you do?
Me- I disappoint people
@MrEd_EVH: -gestures to everything in the Garage-
Me- THESE ARE MY TOOLS AND I AM THEIR KING!!!
Wife- YOU'RE a tool
Me- DAMN RIGHT I AM