911: What’s your emergency?
Me: Are you guys hiring?
911: This is an emergency line.
Me: No shit. Why do you think I’m calling?
My neighbors are drunk & climbing up the balcony. Or possibly being robbed. Whatever.
Fellas, if she asks you to sign life insurance policies on the way to your honeymoon, you’re probably not making it out alive.
Am I the only one who runs up on happy couples and yells, “How could you do this to me” and then runs off crying?