@Ms612

911: What’s your emergency?

Me: Are you guys hiring?

911: This is an emergency line.

Me: No shit. Why do you think I’m calling?

@Ms612

My neighbors are drunk & climbing up the balcony. Or possibly being robbed. Whatever.

@Ms612

Fellas, if she asks you to sign life insurance policies on the way to your honeymoon, you’re probably not making it out alive.

@Ms612

Am I the only one who runs up on happy couples and yells, “How could you do this to me” and then runs off crying?