@MsFoxIfUrNasty

“Oh, spare me,” I say, pulling another clone out of the cryogenic freezer.

@MsFoxIfUrNasty

Often when swimming I still cross ankles and try to mermaid kick. Then I swim up to a random guy and sing to him until he calls security.

@MsFoxIfUrNasty

I’m not getting enough attention when I go out so I’m gonna wear a tight spandex suit w/ my underpants on the outside.
–Superman, probably

@MsFoxIfUrNasty

Of course I care about ethical farming practices and proper nutrition. My eggs came from chickens who were fed only the finest vegetarians.

@MsFoxIfUrNasty

Russia has just renewed a longstanding contract with Hollywood to play the bad guys in all international spy thrillers for another 60 years.

@MsFoxIfUrNasty

*pinching bridge of my nose*

Kid, the sky is blue because it’s made of dead Smurfs, okay? Believe me, I don’t like it either.

@MsFoxIfUrNasty

I just heard a dad at the gas station talk to his kid in a creepy Emperor Palpatine voice. At least MY dad just yelled like a normal psycho.

@MsFoxIfUrNasty

[housefly pilot training]

Instructor: You encounter a window! What do you do?
X: Test the same 3 spots for weakness?
I: Repeatedly! Good.

@MsFoxIfUrNasty

[at BBQ]

Wow…trying to wrap my mouth around this bratwurst reminds me of my first high school boyfriend.

He hated bratwurst.

@MsFoxIfUrNasty

M: I have what they call animal magnetism.

H: *sidles up to me*
*winks* Oh yeah?

M: Uh-huh. *points to squirrel affixed to stray cat*