Girl twin: mummy stop the car!!
Me: what happened?!
GT: stop the car!
Me: are you ok?!
GT: STOP THE CAR!!! *cries*
Boy twin: *cries*
Me: *stops car* what’s wrong?!!
Me: what is it?!
GT: oh it’s ok I couldn’t see my shoes but they’re on my feet
My 3yo said “Alexa” repeatedly for 5 minutes and when he finally walked away Alexa asked if I could put her in a dark room with a bottle of wine
3 asked if I remembered when she had a cough and I brought her snacks in bed and I asked if she was worried about getting a cough because of the pandemic and she said what pandemic can I just bring her snacks in bed
My twins’ pre school taught them both how to sing Baby Shark in French so I’m just checking do I sue for double the amount or…
3 unravelled an entire toilet roll when I wasn’t looking so I wrapped him in it, stood him in the corner of the bathroom and told him to spin round slowly when someone needs to use it
Me: what are you looking forward to most this week?
8: playing with my friends!
3 (boy): seeing grandma!
3 (girl): lunch!
My 3yo said “hi old lady” to our 50 year old neighbour so at least I don’t have to worry about her stopping to talk to me anymore
8: mummy would you like me to give you a massage every evening
Me: you will inherit everything I own
3: when I’m 5 I’ll do all the cleaning and cooking on the weekend so you and daddy can stay in bed
Me: *hands her pen to sign legally binding contract*
Please spare a thought for my 3yo who today discovered the lemon muffins she asked me to bake taste of actual lemon and not chocolate