@MyHairyLife

Subway calling their employees sandwich artists must really piss off people who actually paint sandwiches for a living.

@MyHairyLife

If you take longer than 10 seconds at the hand dryer, I will wipe my hands on the back of your shirt.

@MyHairyLife

I will not eat a donut.
I will not eat a donut.
I will not eat…

I will not eat a third donut.
I will not eat a third donut.

@MyHairyLife

My kid wanted juice but I gave him water which he promptly turned into whine.

@MyHairyLife

Male seahorses get pregnant.

In related news, scientists believe men who tell women what to with their bodies come back as seahorses.