My wife asked me about the Oxford comma and now she wants me to go back to my usual brooding silence.
63% of Americans can’t locate the Earth on a globe
George Washington spent 63% of his salary on alcohol so I guess you could say I have presidential qualities.
Bought a new exercise program
Instructions said to stop if I felt any discomfort
So I did
Studies show that, on average, humans kept in cubicles live just as long as free-range humans.
A Spartan boy was ripped from his mother at seven and subjected to daily beatings
My mother calls at 40+ to make sure that I’m still eating
I feel bad for my Roomba, so every other day I vacuum while it sits on the couch watching TV and drinking beer.
Home alone tonight
The fridge is making weird noises
I think the beer wants out….
I’m at the age where I need at least 3 weeks advance notice before doing anything spontaneous