My neighbor’s car alarm has apparently never heard the story of The Boy Who Cried Wolf.
It’s weird how we get born in the same city as our favorite sports teams
A friend with a wine shop simplified wine tasting down to one question: Did you like it? I take this same approach with most writing and most other things and rarely feel a need to judge or rate or analyze in any more detail than that. Well, that and did it give you a headache?
My wife asked me about the Oxford comma and now she wants me to go back to my usual brooding silence.
63% of Americans can’t locate the Earth on a globe
George Washington spent 63% of his salary on alcohol so I guess you could say I have presidential qualities.
Bought a new exercise program
Instructions said to stop if I felt any discomfort
So I did
Studies show that, on average, humans kept in cubicles live just as long as free-range humans.
A Spartan boy was ripped from his mother at seven and subjected to daily beatings
My mother calls at 40+ to make sure that I’m still eating
I feel bad for my Roomba, so every other day I vacuum while it sits on the couch watching TV and drinking beer.