@N0pantz

Plan B and pregnancy tests should be sold at the Liquor Store as a ‘one stop shop’ kinda thing. Save all that judgment for one cashier.

@N0pantz

I’m convinced some of you are here because someone didn’t properly lock your cage.

@N0pantz

If it weren’t for smoke detectors, I’d never know when my food was ready.

@N0pantz

Hey, Dude who flips me off for honking at him in the parking lot, your groceries are on top of your car.

@N0pantz

When I was at the beach there was a guy in the ocean yelling, “Shark! Help!” And I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn’t going to help him.

@N0pantz

Watch your wedding video backwards. You’ll love the part when you take your ring off, walk away from the altar, & leave with your friends.