@NYC_Blonde

A friend will bail you out of jail, a best friend knows the password to your phone so they can delete all your nude selfies if you die

@NYC_Blonde

Why procrastinate today when you can procrastinate tomorrow?

@NYC_Blonde

I want what any normal girl wants in life… A great job, a loving husband and to be the wallpaper on thousands of iPhones.

@NYC_Blonde

Why do cars slow down when they see a cop has pulled someone over? HE’S A LITTLE BUSY TO WORRY ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW DUMMIES

@NYC_Blonde

If I ever get a dog I’m going to teach him how to fetch useful things like tv remotes, iPhones and men who like red wine.

@NYC_Blonde

I only sleep with my laptop so that if I ever get a boyfriend I’ll be used to sharing the bed

@NYC_Blonde

Please don’t ruin Breaking Bad for me… I’m only at the part where A texts Aria, Spencer, Hanna and Emily

@NYC_Blonde

Let’s all take a moment to honor National Punctuation Day because life would be: very, confusing! Without it?

@NYC_Blonde

Me: One large buttery popcorn please!
Him: Ma’am you have to buy a ticket to get into the movies…
Me: One large buttery popcorn TO GO SIR