A friend will bail you out of jail, a best friend knows the password to your phone so they can delete all your nude selfies if you die
Why procrastinate today when you can procrastinate tomorrow?
I want what any normal girl wants in life… A great job, a loving husband and to be the wallpaper on thousands of iPhones.
Why do cars slow down when they see a cop has pulled someone over? HE’S A LITTLE BUSY TO WORRY ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW DUMMIES
If I ever get a dog I’m going to teach him how to fetch useful things like tv remotes, iPhones and men who like red wine.
I only sleep with my laptop so that if I ever get a boyfriend I’ll be used to sharing the bed
Please don’t ruin Breaking Bad for me… I’m only at the part where A texts Aria, Spencer, Hanna and Emily
Let’s all take a moment to honor National Punctuation Day because life would be: very, confusing! Without it?
Me: One large buttery popcorn please!
Him: Ma’am you have to buy a ticket to get into the movies…
Me: One large buttery popcorn TO GO SIR
I’m not your GameBoy, quit pushing my buttons