“I hate you but I love you. I miss you but you make me sick. You’re wonderful but get away from me” -My love letter to carbs
If someone specifies that you’re book-smart and not street-smart or street-smart but not book-smart, they’re calling you stupid.
I hate when my boyfriend’s snoring wakes me up and then I realize it was my snoring and I don’t have a boyfriend and I’m going to die alone.
“You know your addiction is bad when you lie and say you’re at the gym when really you’re out shopping” is the title of my autobiography.
“We’re up all night to get Loki” -Daft Punk feat. The Avengers
Tomorrow is the 4th of July which means one thing, it’s going to be a really big day for nail art Instagram photos.
Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know which one of your friends your ex is going to sleep with next
Boys are cute how they’re all “I like girls that don’t wear heavy makeup” and “get down from that tree near my window or I’ll call the cops”
Are babies like tamagotchis? Like, will my friend take care of it if I forget it at her house?
Me: Is there alcohol in this?
Barista: … No ma’am.
Me: Can there be?