try to describe the hole in the ozone layer without sounding absolutely insane
its a hole in the sky that changes not air to air because we used too much hairspray back in the 80s and now we get skin cancer
the only difference between a hoarder and a collector is the smell
i just gave a homeless guy $20 but do u see me looking for praise (the answer is: yes)
i’ve already had 2 cups of coffee and a can of coke this morning; i’m about to jump out of the plane and just run the rest of the way
can u believe that 6 months ago we just let random people breathe on us
unilever exec: look truthfully we don’t care if u put the q-tip in ur ear just stop when u encounter resistance
me: [already pushing it out the other side]
when i was in costa rica a waiter dropped off a bottle of ketchup unprompted so yes i have experienced racism as a white man
the song firestarter, but it’s about my cooking skills
god: men, do u want pockets?
god: u got it dude!
men: thank u!!! ❤️
god: women, do u want pockets?
god: lmao no
god: kangaroos, do u want pockets?
kangaroos: yes pls
god: ok done
kangaroos: [already putting their kids in there]
when isolation is over, we should all be allowed to commit one (1) crime since we’ve technically already served the time for it