Daughter: will you help me with my philosophy paper.
Me: who are you writing about?
Daughter: I haven’t picked anyone yet.
Me: sounds like you put Descartes before dehorse lol.
Me: Kant stop won’t stop : )
Penguin: is it true birds fly south for the winter?
God: yes but you don’t need to fly.
God: you already live as far south as possible.
Penguin: oh yeah!
God: and you live there all year long!
Penguin: oh man the other birds are gonna be so jealous : )
Daughter: what do you call a T-Rex with sleep apnea?
Me: no idea.
Daughter: a Dinosnore : )
Daughter: are you crying?
Me: I’m just so proud of you.
God: you’re a garter snake.
Garter Snake: I’m a snek?
God: no you’re a snake.
Garter Snake: I’m a snek!
God: [sigh] fine you’re a small snek.
Garter Snake: I’m a smol snek?
Me: so you want me to buy all the presents.
Me: put them together?
Me: wrap them up?
Santa: that’s right.
Me: and then tell my kids you got the presents for them?
Santa: I mean when you say it like that it sounds bad.
God: you’re a zebra.
God: you have black stripes.
Zebra: like a tiger?
God: yes exactly!
Zebra: so we’re the same!
Zebra: why not?
God: you eat grass instead of meat.
Zebra: omg i’m a vegetarian tiger!
God: you’re a mosquito.
Mosquito: what does that mean?
God: you feed on blood.
Mosquito: i’m a vampire?
God: you can fly.
Mosquito: i’m a vampire!
God: garlic repels you.
Mosquito: [happy gasp] i’m an itty-bitty vampire!
Mario: you’re a dinosaur.
Mario: you can jump really high.
Mario: you eat things with your long tongue.
Yoshi: makes sense.
Mario: i’m gonna ride you off a cliff.
Mario: don’t worry i’ll jump off before I get hurt.
[watching christmas movie]
Me: who’s your favorite character?
Daughter: I like the grinch.
Me: but he’s the bad guy.
Daughter: maybe he stole Christmas only cause they wrote that really mean song about him first.
Daughter: maybe whoville had it coming.
[stargazing with my daughter]
Daughter: dada where’s Orion’s Belt?
Me: it’s probably on Orion’s Pants lol.
Daughter: this is why I have a C in science.