@NickSchug

If you encounter a bear you should either play dead or be so vibrant that the bear is like “whatever this person seems exhausting.”

@NickSchug

I woke up in the middle of the night and wrote “dentists are liars” into my phone. Not really sure what the plan is with that.

@NickSchug

Just once in movies when someone gently shuts a dead person’s eyes I want them to whisper “Ew, ew, ew, ew.” while doing it.

@NickSchug

If I worked at a pizza place I would use pepperoni to spell out “Marry me?” on pizzas all the time just to make things awkward for couples.