@NolaChef504

Therapist: They are NOT antidepressants

Me: All I’m saying is I’ve never been less than happy while holding a taco.

Therapist: FOR THE LAST TIME, I can’t get your insurance to cover tacos!

Me: Don’t yell at me. You need a taco.

@NolaChef504

If a drunk falls in the woods and no one is there to hear him, why did I go camping?

@NolaChef504

Turns out there isn’t a single sexy explanation for having a fork in your bed.

@NolaChef504

“You take pills because you’re crazy”

“No MOM, I take pills because they make me tolerant of crazy people that don’t take pills”

@NolaChef504

When my boss is mad and takes it out on me, I do less work.
Can’t reward bad behavior with a positive response.
Training works both ways

@NolaChef504

I could defuse a bomb if it sounded like an alarm clock and I was sleeping.