@noogscorner
Someone should tell North Korea that if you want to nuke someone, you probably shouldn’t give them a progress report every week.
@noogscorner
@noogscorner
Me: Hi.
Girl: No.
@noogscorner
Our brain took two billion years to evolve. Two billion trips around the Sun. All so humans can use it to look at kittens on the Internet.
@NoogsCorner
Cop: Have you been drinking sir?
Me: Medium Double Quarter Pounder meal please.
Cop: Step out of the vehicle.
Me: Sprite.
@NoogsCorner
Canadian Army training is 6 weeks of learning how to throw a snowball.
@NoogsCorner
1) Put index and thumb together.
2) Place them where nose meets forehead.
3) Close eyes.
4) Sigh.
5) Check to see if person still talking.
@NoogsCorner
Whenever I see an unsecured WiFi, I just assume it’s owned by a chimpanzee sitting in a room and hitting a keyboard with a hammer.
@NoogsCorner
Superman’s only weakness is the extremely rare Kryptonite that all his enemies have.
@NoogsCorner
Women just want to make us better men, not drain our life essence. And sharks are just trying to kiss us but their teeth get in the way.
@NoogsCorner
Women always complain about periods. Talk to me when ovaries become supersensitive, hang in a thin sac and you accidentally sit on them.