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@NoogsCorner : Cigarette: Hey buddy.
Me: I don't smoke anymore.
Cigarette: But buddy.
Me: You do make a good point. Fine.
@NoogsCorner: I finally opened the condom in my wallet and it had a beard.
@NoogsCorner: *has no girlfriend or kids*
*gives out dating and parenting advice*
@NoogsCorner: The first guy to ever throw water at girl in a white shirt probably broke the record for the number of high-fives received in one minute.
@NoogsCorner: *decides to go on a diet*
*eats a horse*
@NoogsCorner: That awkward moment when Batman opens the condom compartment instead of the Batarang compartment in his utility belt.
@NoogsCorner: I like running up to kids, punching a puppy in the face and screaming "WHERE IS YOUR GOD NOW?" And that's my long-term solution to religion.
@NoogsCorner: Witch Logic:
I have the magical ability to turn any item into a flying vehicle. I guess I'll use that broom.
@NoogsCorner: Me: We spend a lot of time together.
Her: Turn left.
Me: Just think we should take this to the next level.
Her: Arriving at destination.
@NoogsCorner: When your partner cheats on you, do what every respectable person does. Post their name and phone number on 4Chan.