@NotJPo

Listen up, single people. You can only sleep with so many people. Sooooo many people. So so so many.

@NotJPo

“Baby, I’m gonna make you mine.”

– sweet talker forcing someone to be a coal miner

@NotJPo

In my house there are 5 females, 9423 pony tail holders, 49 bottles of nail polish, 8 justin bieber posters & 1 very patient, worn down man.

@NotJPo

“Don’t kid yourself.” – birth control

@NotJPo

Your wife will always agree to let you go out and get drunk with your friends and as long as you’re smart and don’t go.

@NotJPo

I may be delusional, but at least every single person I’ve ever met is in love with me

@NotJPo

“No more Mr Nice Guy”

~ Mr Nice Guy’s eulogy