@NotTodayEric

When I hear you call Starbucks “Starbies” I wanna run you over with my carbie.

@NotTodayEric

Welcome to your 40s: that was a good cookie here’s four pounds.

@NotTodayEric

Forget filters, just tell everyone you’re ten years older than you are and bam you’re gorgeous.

@NotTodayEric

Welcome to your 40’s: that kid acting like your doctor, is your doctor.

@NotTodayEric

Welcome to your 40’s: that white stuff in your hair, is your hair.

@NotTodayEric

Netflix: are you still watching

Alexa: yeah he’s here

Me: 😳

@NotTodayEric

I told my sons that we used to have to ask girls out and even break up face to face and the look of horror on their faces was priceless.