@Notoliviasteel

Cop : HANDS IN THE AIR!
Me: *drunk, starts flailing arms*
Cop: NO, NOT LIKE YOU JUST DON’T CARE

@Notoliviasteel

DOCTOR: u broke ur leg in five places, how did this happen
ME:*flashback of me trying to carry too much ice cream up the stairs* bears.

@Notoliviasteel

I will probably never be the tallest person in the room, but I will certainly be the highest

@Notoliviasteel

“THE WORLD IS GOING TO END!”
2012: omg please no
2016: are we doing this or not