ahhh yes this is more like it, now I have no idea what’s going on.
Am I…are we… is this a date? *elevator opens & he leaves*
Either this apartment is haunted or someone has been filling the sink with dishes & leaving notes that say, “You still owe $89 for cable.”
my therapist told me to have an image to focus on when i think there is no hope
grandchild: when did you know you were gonna marry grandpa?
me: when the dude brought 4 different slices of cheesecake on the second date.
taking cats to the vet is hard because you can’t lie and be like, “we are going to the park!” since they don’t want to go there either.
I’m in that fun part of a relationship where everything is new and exciting and we are learning things about each other and I don’t poop.
him: what are you looking for on this dating site?
me: someone who will hold the cats down so I can take pics of them wearing sunglasses.
I just ordered a Fitbit and my bank called to see if my card was stolen.
I never understood movie scenes where they have to train assassins. just drop me in some hot climate, don’t feed me and I’ll kill everyone.