@NurseMurderer

I want to put hot dogs on my fingers so I have extra long, floppy, hot dog fingers.

@NurseMurderer

I told my date I was depressed. I added, “not like cut my inner thigh depressed, but sleep with you even though I don’t like you depressed.”

@NurseMurderer

My favorite part of eating alone at this trendy restaurant was when the waitress asked if I had cats because I had cat hair, “all over.”

@NurseMurderer

This earthquake was the first time that I’ve ever said, “it was 4.7, but felt bigger.”

@NurseMurderer

I see your Full House and I raise you 3 episodes of Home Improvement.

-Me, not knowing how to play poker, but loving 90’s TV

@NurseMurderer

Backstreet Boys: Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely.

Me: *slow dances with cats around a pot of mac & cheese*

@NurseMurderer

Twitter is kinda like my diary except I don’t use a glitter gel pen or tell you guys how much I miss Josh.

@NurseMurderer

Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario &how you handled it.

Me: I poured a bowl of cereal, but had no milk. I used ice cream.