@ODeadInside

When buying a new phone, it’s important to ask yourself, “Will this look spectacular flying across the room in a fit of rage?”

@ODeadInside

Is there a way to fall gracefully? No.

But am I able to rise from this graceless decline and be the best possible version of myself? Also no.

@ODeadInside

“Will someone please just help me open this window? I need to smoke!”

Me, drunk on the airplane