Life is too hard. Let’s play something else.
A chicken dinner sounds like a 5th place prize at the most.
When buying a new phone, it’s important to ask yourself, “Will this look spectacular flying across the room in a fit of rage?”
Is there a way to fall gracefully? No.
But am I able to rise from this graceless decline and be the best possible version of myself? Also no.
“Will someone please just help me open this window? I need to smoke!”
Me, drunk on the airplane