@OMGSoOverIt

He wanted to role play, then got all mad when I acted like a prohibitionist and banned sex.

@OMGSoOverIt

My credit card was confiscated three days ago.
Jeff bezos just called to make sure I was okay.

@OMGSoOverIt

(First date)

Just act like he’s not here.
Date: …
Husband: …

@OMGSoOverIt

My husband is trying to tell me shopping on Amazon isn’t a hobby.

Next thing I know he’ll be saying Twitter isn’t a hobby.

@OMGSoOverIt

I won’t open the garage door because I’m afraid the cast and crew from “Hoarders” will be outside waiting.

@OMGSoOverIt

(Seductively stripping out of clothes)

Gynecologist: Please stop that.

@OMGSoOverIt

Oh my God. You try to run him over one time and he never lets you forget it.

@OMGSoOverIt

When a cop opens the car door for you, promises you an overnighter and talks about bonding… you’re not on a date with him, you’re spending the night in jail.
I know this now.