@ObscureGent
me: dentist said the kids have the plague
wife: plaque
me: yes a memorial would be good
@ObscureGent
@ObscureGent
Friend: Here, eat this molten ball of sugar that will definitely burn your mouth
Me: No way
Friend: what if I sandwich it between graham crackers and put a small peice of Chocolate inside?
Me: Yes, that sounds delightful
@ObscureGent
Willy Wonka is a Batman villain with good lawyers.
@ObscureGent
Magician: Is this your card?!
Me: Yes! *turns to children and whispers* Go out to my truck and get my shotgun and rock salt. Daddy found himself a demon.
@ObscureGent
Alien: We come in peace
Human: Aw man, we hate that
@ObscureGent
[Oregon Trail 1852]
Doctor: Any final words?
Man dying of dysentery: *coughing* I just hope that this gruesome experience isn’t made into a game for children to play.
@ObscureGent
I’m glad that Costco checks receipts when you leave because I don’t want to live in a world where someone gets away with stealing 1500 Ritz crackers
@ObscureGent
Boomers: People are too sensitive and need to toughen up
Millennials: People need to care more and help each other out
Gen X: Die Hard is a Christmas movie
@ObscureGent
[new snowman watching the snowfall]
Is this *gags* is this flesh?
@ObscureGent
What jugglers do best
1. Juggle
2. Make people who can’t juggle feel bad for not being able to juggle