@ObscureGent

Me: You want to see me rip a phone book in half?

Kid: What’s a phone book?

@ObscureGent

[Afterlife]

Bird 1: All he had was one rock.

Bird 2: His aim was perfection.

@ObscureGent

Dragon fire can’t melt stone pillars. King’s Landing was an inside job.

@ObscureGent

[Waiting at the dentist]

*leans over to stranger*

I’ll clean your teeth for half price.

@ObscureGent

Priest: You May now kiss the bride.

Goth couple: *scowls*

Priest: *Sigh* You may Now bestow one final graven kiss upon this queen of winter throned.

@ObscureGent

The Titanic was unsinkable until Leo DiCaprio had premarital sex with Kate Winslett. Keep it in your pants until marriage kids.

@ObscureGent

[First target practice]

Son: I missed

Stormtrooper Dad: I know, I’m proud of you son.

@ObscureGent

Me: When do we get to solve mysteries and explore haunted houses?

Gang member: *cocks gun*

Me: Ohhhh, this is a murder gang.

@ObscureGent

News Reporter: …and once again Spider-Man saves the day. This city would be nothing without our amazing hero.

Drunk Radioactive spider: *throws bottle at TV* I MADE HIM!!!

@ObscureGent

Opponent: I wish you luck

Me: Tha—

Opponent: But I also wish to suck the marrow from the bones of your defeated corpse.

Me, picks up ping pong paddle: okey dokey