
I hope when we are done with this quarantine that it becomes mandatory to be driving around in Pope Mobiles
I hope when we are done with this quarantine that it becomes mandatory to be driving around in Pope Mobiles
The Phantom of the Opera paints a false picture that chicks dig dudes that play a mean pipe organ
IKEA employees are just the souls of previous shoppers that couldn’t find the exit
I remember being a kid & excited whenever the doorbell would ring. Now when it rings, I drop to the floor & don’t move like its a bank heist
(Scientist: On average, you swallow at least three spiders when you’re sleeping)
Me: That’s the last time I allow scientist to watch me sleep
I’m starting a security system company that only installs those giant electrical fences in Jurassic Park
Apes stopped waving at us ever since they found out we evolved from them
2020: Tidepods ‘the sequel’
When I walk into a car dealership, I bring twenty senior citizens that are dying to talk to someone, so I can look at vehicles in peace
You go on cruises when you only want to experience other countries cultures for an hour and still have Budweiser and chicken fingers for dinner