@Ohhialypie

Girls: I’d invite you in but my place is a mess
Guys: I don’t mind
Girls: Like a huge mess
Guys: ok
Girls: Like dead bodies on fire
Guys: ok

@OhHiAlyPie

Took my 3rd self-defense class, so if anyone feels like attacking me straight on, very slowly, w/ a fake knife in their right hand, BRING IT

@OhHiAlyPie

*bursts into bank
EVERYONE DOWN ON THE GROUND
*everyone lies down
EVERYONE CLOSE THEIR EYES
*everyone closes their eyes
EVERYONE NAP

@OhHiAlyPie

“I just really need a good man to fill the hole”
*100 men come running up
“In my heart.”
*100 men run away