Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of OnlyFastEddie's best tweets

@OnlyFastEddie : I had my ring finger removed just to be safe.

@OnlyFastEddie: Me: I hope you don't mind if I nibble during sex.

Her: Not at all!

Me: Great!

*Pulls out grilled cheese sandwich*

@OnlyFastEddie: I stick pins and needles in the people I don't like because can't afford voodoo dolls.

@OnlyFastEddie: Hair pulling during sex is hot unless the whole wig comes off.

@OnlyFastEddie: Finished christmas shopping for my entire family.

*walks out of pharmacy*

@OnlyFastEddie: The closest I've ever come to winning anything was that time I got picked from a lineup at the station.

@OnlyFastEddie: Halloween and Valentine's day are pretty much the same thing... people dress up and pretend to be someone they're not for some sugar

@OnlyFastEddie: *laughs all the way to the bank*

*cries all the way back*