Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. That's it, don't make us say cringy things like YouTubers say at the end of their videos. Click here to follow us

Page of PJTLynch's best tweets

@PJTLynch : I put my pants on just like everyone else: while screaming obscenities at my pants butler

@PJTLynch: Ridiculous. He should be in jail

@PJTLynch: Girl, are you Excel? Because I claim to know you but I'm probably oblivious to 98% of what you're able to accomplish

@PJTLynch: Vacation Bible School is a phrase that gets less exciting for kids as each word is introduced

@PJTLynch: I wrote a less creepy, and more helpful, variation of "Baby It's Cold Outside"

@PJTLynch: “Very colorful, fun. I’d put it in my mouth”

“A bit scary, seems sharp. Still, I’d put it in my mouth”

-Baby reviews of stuff on the floor

@PJTLynch: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Me: Technically I pulled myself over, you only asked
C: I know, right? They make us say it like that

@PJTLynch: [2050]
"Grandpa, how did President Trump ever get elected?"

Well, we were a bit distracted. That was the year adult coloring books came out

@PJTLynch: Announcer: "Welcome to the Super Bowl 50 Halftime Show. Are you ready to rock?!"

[crowd goes nuts]

A: "Well too bad, here's Coldplay"

@PJTLynch: Sure, I could live a pious life so St. Peter lets me through the Pearly Gates. Or I could just crawl under the gate since IT SITS ON A CLOUD