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Page of P_o_n_k's best tweets

@P_o_n_k : FRIEND: Is something wrong?

ME: Listen...[trying to sweeten the blow]...I think we should put sugar in this cocaine

@P_o_n_k: BANK ROBBER: Alright, nobody move!

JELL-O MAN: I promise I'm trying to stop

@P_o_n_k: BEE 1: You get 1 chance to sting someone, so make sure they're a threat.

BEE 2: Well that guy's over there walking.

BEE 1: He's doing WHAT

@P_o_n_k: BEAR: You tryna fight, bro?
SHARK: Just name a place
BEAR: Parking lot. 4 o' clock. Come alone
SHARK: Like...like an underwater parking lot?

@P_o_n_k: MURDERER: *kicks down my door*

ME: *frantically picking up pizza boxes* oh my god you caught me in the middle of tidying up haha

@P_o_n_k: [Praying mantis funeral]

PRIEST: He died doing what he loved

@P_o_n_k: [Shower]

ME: This is literally my most vulnerable, unexpecting, and relaxed state

SHAMPOO BOTTLE: Seems like a good time to hit the ground

@P_o_n_k: BRUNO MARS: I'd catch a grenade for ya

ME: Thanks, but I'd probably still die.

BRUNO MARS: Jump in front of a train for ya

ME: Again...

@P_o_n_k: [Prison]

BOSS: I'll kill whoever snitched on us

ME (from a much nicer and furnished cell): I guess we'll never know.

@P_o_n_k: DR. BABY: Ma'am, I'm sorry. We were unable to reattach your husband's nose

WOMAN: *Cries into hands*

DR. BABY: Wait where did she go