If the liquor store didn’t want me to drink all their alcohol than they never should have put a help wanted sign in the window.
“She must be shy” is probably what I say to myself the most when a woman abruptly moves across the country after talking to me.
If you didn’t want me looking in your bedroom than you never should have put your window at the same height as my ladder.
I’m not an olympic sprinter, I just run like one when my ex wants to talk.
Apparently “I’ll break your god damn legs” isn’t the problem solving skills that employers are looking for, at least according to HR anyway.
Some coworkers remind me of my ex, because I would jump in front of a bus to get out of a conversation with them too.
Whenever I hear about a man jumping off a bridge I can’t help but wonder how long he was dating my ex.
Every so often you come across a person that supplies you with endless motivation, even if it is just to jump into traffic.
Apparently, women only enjoy a nice romantic breakfast in bed when they know how you got in their house.
It’s actually pretty easy to win an argument with a woman when you wait until she’s not around to have it.