@Parkerlawyer

Just saw a large group of 20 yr olds saying a blessing before eating.

Then I realized they were all just looking at their phones.

@Parkerlawyer

No one has ever said, “You know what would make this even better? Turkey bacon.”

@Parkerlawyer

5,”So we don’t get to open any presents today?”

Me, “No.”

5, “So basically Thanksgiving is just Christmas for your tummy, right?”

@Parkerlawyer

So my kid secretly recorded me driving and singing and put it on social media if you needed to know how important birth control is today.

@Parkerlawyer

People that don’t tweet for months and then show up like nothing happened…

Was it jail? I bet it was jail.