the least self aware person is this type of recipe reviewer
⭐☆ ☆ ☆ ☆
I replaced the sugar with flax seed and butter with spinach and these pancakes came out dry and gross. Do not recommend
I wear my heart on my sleeve, my kidney on my pants, help I don’t think this surgeon is licensed
dentist: we have to remove some teeth
[spider in house]
me: oh hey buddy, you lost? let me take you outside
[ants in house]
me, wildly shooting bug spray: I AM BECOME DEATH, THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS!!
[giant alien cracking open the earth like a hard boiled egg]
doctor: you have 2 weeks to live… haha just kiddin i didnt even look at your chart yet
patient: well what does it actually say
doctor: *reading chart* ok youre gonna laugh
dryer: permanent press
me: ah yes. of course i know what that means.
friend: wow, your kids are so quiet
me: ya, the hypnotist worked wonders
wife: netflix. he means netflix.
I Wasn’t Paying Attention to the Zoom Until I Heard My Name Called: A Memoir
me: wow it’s hot down here
guy: ya but it’s a dry heat
me: i totally get why you’re here