Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of PatsATweetin's best tweets

@PatsATweetin : Me: Me and the wife are heading to pound town.

Wife: London. He means London.

@PatsATweetin: vegetarian: i'm a vegetarian

every mother-in-law: so do you eat fish

@PatsATweetin: eve: oH IM aDaM aNd I WoNT eAT aN ApPle

adam: wow

eve: lighten up i'm just ribbing you

adam: WOW

@PatsATweetin: clapton: and this one's called 'cocaine'

record label: it's a bit on the nose.

clapton: *sniffs* still there?

@PatsATweetin: Agent: I have a script for you.

Daniel Radcliffe: Is it weird?

Agent: Yes.

Radcliffe: I'll do it.

@PatsATweetin: Gwyneth Paltrow: *gestures down there* I need this waxed

Yankee Candle: Please leave

@PatsATweetin: Scar didn't murder Mufasa. It's a cat's natural instinct to knock things off ledges

@PatsATweetin: My kids are gonna give me a god damn heart attack

@PatsATweetin: He was a hip
She was a po
Can they be any more potamus

@PatsATweetin: Me: *Eating Swedish Fish*

Alexander Skarsgård: OH NO, MY KOI POND!