@Phook75 : People who say that their wedding day was the best day ever have obviously never had two Kit Kats fall out of a vending machine
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@Phook75: My wife asked me to order a new chefs knife today and now I’m thinking she’s tricked me into purchasing her murder weapon
@Phook75: My wife just yelled “Let’s do this!” from upstairs. I’m not even sure what she’s talking about but either way I’m taking my pants off
@Phook75: If I were to walk 500 miles and walk 500 more I'd be the man to die from cardiac arrest right at your door
@Phook75: My daughter fired me this morning and told me to go to my room and this has become the best day ever
@Phook75: My five year old asked me to hold her cupcake and I think we all know how that went
@Phook75: The upside to having kids is how you're able to use them as an excuse to cancel unwanted plans
@Phook75: It sucks when I congratulate a woman on her pregnancy only to have him quickly correct me