@Phook75 People who say that their wedding day was the best day ever have obviously never had two Kit Kats fall out of a vending machine
@Phook75 
@Phook75 “I’m going to live with you guys forever”
My five year old threatened
@Phook75 If I were to walk 500 miles and walk 500 more I’d be the man to die from cardiac arrest right at your door
@Phook75 My daughter fired me this morning and told me to go to my room and this has become the best day ever
@Phook75 My five year old asked me to hold her cupcake and I think we all know how that went
@Phook75 No one is full of more false hope than a parent who tries to shower
@Phook75 The upside to having kids is how you’re able to use them as an excuse to cancel unwanted plans
@Phook75 It sucks when I congratulate a woman on her pregnancy only to have him quickly correct me
@Phook75 Now reached the age where getting lucky is what happens when I can remember where I set my glasses down at
@Phook75 I don’t ever worry about the kinda world I’m leaving my kids. They’ll just leave their shit everywhere anyhow