@PieChord

“A wine please”

“Sir, this is McDonalds…”

“Okay, a McWine please”

@PieChord

Wanna know what it’s like being married?

Chain yourself to a wild animal.

Now kick the animal.

@PieChord

Some people won’t try bacon for religious reasons. I won’t try religion for bacon reasons.

@PieChord

The only time my ex will ever scream “DEEPER, DEEPER” is when they are lowering my casket into the ground.

@PieChord

A wife is like a hand grenade.

Remove the ring, and your house is gone.