The hardest part of working out at home is seeing how much dust there is under my furniture.
5 just asked if I was older than Grandma so Christmas at our house is canceled.
I’ve got some sick beats.
No. Really. I need to take them to a doctor. The antibiotics aren’t working.
*God creating the rhino*
God: How’d the unicorn thing go?
A: There were problems.
A: We got an angry spiked cow.
G: Close enough.
Turns out inside one of the IKEA sofa boxes was actually a marriage counselor.
“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step” but so does the one from the living room to the kitchen for snacks and it’s a lot less tiring.
“Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.”
That’s why I keep everyone who comes to visit in the freezer.
The next time my husband asks me where something in the house is, I’m turning it into a scavenger hunt.
My son doesn’t always throw up, but when he does, he’s already in bed.
Me: I really like what you tried to do with what’s left of your hair.