@PinkCamoTO: *first date*
Me: *don't be weird don't be weird don't be weird*
"OHMYGOD I have an app that can show us what our kids will look like."
@PinkCamoTO: Boss: Why were you late today?
Me: *flashes back to standing motionless in my closet staring at my clothes for 20 mins*
@PinkCamoTO: H: Why do you always wear your hair in a ponytail?
Me: I can't afford a face lift.
@PinkCamoTO: As the parent of a 5yo boy, I can name all the dinosaurs and none of my coworkers.
@PinkCamoTO: Most of being an adult is just trying to figure out where that bruise came from.
@PinkCamoTO: One of those compression vacuum storage systems but for the skeletons in my closet.
@PinkCamoTO: MyFitnessPal told me my beer has a lot of vitamin C so I guess I can begin my descent into full blown alcoholism.
@PinkCamoTO: Interviewer: What would you like to get out of this job?
Me: As many free office supplies as possible.