@PinkCamoTO

The hardest part of working out at home is seeing how much dust there is under my furniture.

@PinkCamoTO

5 just asked if I was older than Grandma so Christmas at our house is canceled.

@PinkCamoTO

I’ve got some sick beats.

No. Really. I need to take them to a doctor. The antibiotics aren’t working.

@PinkCamoTO

*God creating the rhino*

God: How’d the unicorn thing go?
A: There were problems.
G: What?
A: We got an angry spiked cow.
G: Close enough.

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Turns out inside one of the IKEA sofa boxes was actually a marriage counselor.

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“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step” but so does the one from the living room to the kitchen for snacks and it’s a lot less tiring.

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“Guests, like fish, begin to smell after three days.”

That’s why I keep everyone who comes to visit in the freezer.

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The next time my husband asks me where something in the house is, I’m turning it into a scavenger hunt.

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My son doesn’t always throw up, but when he does, he’s already in bed.

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*First Date*

Me: I really like what you tried to do with what’s left of your hair.