My son didn’t think it was funny when I told him go “go forth and multiply” before his math exam.
Blood was spilled, curses were uttered, tears were shed, muscles were sprained and dowlings were thrown away, but an IKEA shelf was born.
Looking on the bright side of being in quarantine… Now all those stolen office supplies just look like good planning.
You haven’t seen rage until you’ve seen a group of women waiting for a yoga instructor who no-shows.
Me: Weeds are just plants that grow where they’re not wanted.
Sears Employee: Ma’am, you can’t move into the bedding department.
Day 302 of my husband and I both working from home:
Me: *tapes note to microwave reminding coworkers to PLEASE CLEAN UP SPILLS THIS MICROWAVE IS FOR THE WHOLE OFFICE
Me: *opening can of worms
Husband: Where the hell did that come from?
Me: I can’t resist a sale.
My husband is grocery shopping so I’m using my phone tracker app to make sure I stay out of the house long enough for him to get home and put the groceries away.
The journey of 1000 miles begins with a single step. They never tell you it’s downhill and you’ll be wearing slippers when it happens.
March 2020: I’m going to take this time and learn to paint.
November 2020: Wow. I didn’t think you could get to the end of Netflix.