@Pirate_nurse

I am meeting my twitter crush in a few days and I have officially added

“Please let me wind up in a trunk and not a freezer”

In my prayers

@Pirate_nurse

To be clear…putting your entire fist in your mouth should be a party trick saved for after Uncle Barry leaves

@Pirate_nurse

In lieu of a gift I liked a couple of charities on FB in your honour

@Pirate_nurse

If he’s dumb enough to send you a generic message in a mass text…be smart enough to reply to all

“I still haven’t gotten my period.”

@Pirate_nurse

Well, Norah on FB has decided to continue her thankfulness through December and I have decided to key her car after dinner

@Pirate_nurse

Thanks to this HUGE spider web I just walked into we can now add the neighbors to the list of people that have seen me naked

@Pirate_nurse

In my defense I told him it was my cheat day and I didn’t understand why he brought home cupcakes and not Juan from the gym

@Pirate_nurse

I just shaved my legs for the first time in 2 weeks so if you will come clean out my tub I won’t judge u for making a beautiful rug

@Pirate_nurse

Don’t forget to put everybody before her so she has no clue whether you really give a shit or not

@Pirate_nurse

I wanna be the reason you’re comfortable with your prostate examination