Yes yes your avi is very attractive, but before this goes any further I need to know which streaming services you have passwords to.
Me: I can’t come into work today. The vibe is off.
Boss: Holy shit take all the time you need
While the loss of Bruce Wayne’s parents was tragic, I’m grateful it happened decades ago and not in 2023 because he just would’ve become a true crime podcaster.
Me: (watching MST3K) What do you mean you don’t like it?! If you were trapped in deep space with just two robot friends, what would YOU do?
Her: That’s not important.
🎵 These cheese curds are beyond compare
I can watch the hockey there
I wear my toque and back bacon is keen
Eat Tim Horton’s with no cares
Share my french fries with some bears
But I cannot compete with you
Poutine
Alexa: *deep breath*
Optimus Prime implies the existence of Optimus Fresh, and for a nominal monthly fee, Optimus Audible.
A Scottish vampire aka a McMorbius
The Mayan calendar didn’t end in 2012, they just sold the calendar technology to a billionaire from another continent who promised to make it “better”
First day as a vampire hunter: This is easy lol
First night as a vampire hunter: oh no
FUN FACT: Your landlord can’t tell you “no pets allowed” if your pet is large enough to eat them.
She agreed to a second date but when I went to pick her up, her place was a Spirit Halloween. So now I’m not sure if she ghosted me or just stepped out for coffee real quick
Being an adult on the internet is weird because you’ll see a trending article with a headline like, “Here’s a picture of what money looked like before Venmo!”
It doesn’t matter if you’re filming a segment for TV or not, if you’re hanging out with Tom Cruise, at some point you’re jumping out of a plane
My sister forgot the words for “national anthem” and just suggested we learn the “Canadian Theme Song.”