@Poutymcgee

*brings all the jars I can’t open along with me on our first date

@Poutymcgee

*chugs down my 6th glass of wine and slams it on the table

Can I hold your baby?

@Poutymcgee

Doe. A deer. A female deer.

Ray. My sex offender neighbooouur.

@Poutymcgee

Murderer:You can’t hide from me!

Me:*hiding*

Murderer:BOOM BOOM BOOM LET ME HEAR YA SAY WEY-OH!

Me:*sweating

Me:

Me:WEY-OH! God Dammit.

@Poutymcgee

*takes a long drag from a cigarette

*points at your baby

What’s wrong with your dog?

@Poutymcgee

SHAKE WHAT YOUR MAMA GAVE YA!

*shakes Uncle Johns ashes in a gold plated ornate urn

@Poutymcgee

[during sex]

If you say Jesus backwards it sounds like Sausage.

@Poutymcgee

Doe. A deer. A female deer.

Ray. My creepy Uncle’s naaaame.