Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of PrisonCookies's best tweets

@PrisonCookies : Just once I’d like to open a can of biscuits without having to beat it like it stole my last cookie

@PrisonCookies: I saved a ton of money on tattoos by just pretending my varicose veins are ancient Chinese proverbs

@PrisonCookies: If you see a woman sitting alone eating a kale salad just leave her and her sadness alone

@PrisonCookies: Raccoons use their hands more than any animal, so they're basically the Italians of nature.

@PrisonCookies: My son left a package of cookies at my house then texted me asking me to not let anyone eat them.
So now I’m snapchatting him videos of me eating all his cookies and reminding him of all the times I asked him to do something and he didn’t.

@PrisonCookies: When people are making out in public make things even more awkward by applying chapstick and announcing you’re next

@PrisonCookies: We’re way too stupid in our 20’s to be picking life partners