@PrisonCookies

Never make an enemy out of someone who loves camping, they’ve trained to hit rock bottom and they like it.

@PrisonCookies

Of course skinny jeans are canceled, after a year of quarantine no one fits in them anymore

@PrisonCookies

Have you ever been driving on a highway and afraid to exit the off ramp because it’s a sharp turn and the roads are full of snow so you just keep going until you hit Florida?

@PrisonCookies

I hate to get all political but unity begins with universal cell phone chargers

@PrisonCookies

If you tell me you have a quick and easy recipe and I have to scroll to get through all the ingredients that’s not a quick and easy recipe.
Also, you’re now dead to me.

@PrisonCookies

My cat caught me watching cat videos on the Internet so we now have a shared Twitter and Facebook account.

@PrisonCookies

Hypothetically speaking if someone wanted to feed their enemies to a tiger where would I… I mean where would one acquire a vicious extra carnivorousy tiger?

@PrisonCookies

I hate to get all religious on you but can I just have a minute of your time to talk about my air fryer?

@PrisonCookies

I’m not saying breakfast tacos are the cure but I’ve had breakfast tacos every day for 2 weeks and I’m COVID19 free, you do the math.

@PrisonCookies

I’m pretty certain the inventor of the ball gag was someone who had just had sex with a loud talker