@PrisonCookies

My cat caught me watching cat videos on the Internet so we now have a shared Twitter and Facebook account.

@PrisonCookies

Hypothetically speaking if someone wanted to feed their enemies to a tiger where would I… I mean where would one acquire a vicious extra carnivorousy tiger?

@PrisonCookies

I hate to get all religious on you but can I just have a minute of your time to talk about my air fryer?

@PrisonCookies

I’m not saying breakfast tacos are the cure but I’ve had breakfast tacos every day for 2 weeks and I’m COVID19 free, you do the math.

@PrisonCookies

I’m pretty certain the inventor of the ball gag was someone who had just had sex with a loud talker

@PrisonCookies

Geesh you avoid someone for 6 months and right away they assume you ghosted them.

@PrisonCookies

Just once I’d like to open a can of biscuits without having to beat it like it stole my last cookie

@PrisonCookies

I saved a ton of money on tattoos by just pretending my varicose veins are ancient Chinese proverbs