@Prof_Hinkley: I just accidentally said "I love you" when hanging up with the auto shop guy, so I'm just going to leave my car there and buy a new one
@Prof_Hinkley: What was I like in high school? You know that guy who drove a Camaro and banged all the cheerleaders? I'm the reason he passed calculus
@Prof_Hinkley: *my windows are foggy and my car is rocking in the McDonald's parking lot but it's just me inside eating Big Macs*
@Prof_Hinkley: [announcement over PA at work]
"FREE TACOS IN THE BREAKROOM"
*I walk there so fast the noise from my corduroys breaks everyone's eyeglasses*
@Prof_Hinkley: Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over?
Off duty cop: No
*cop gets so close their mustaches interlock like velcro*
You're driving great, pal
@Prof_Hinkley: Me: it's annoying sitting so close to the office copier
Dan from the next cubicle: it's annoying sitting so close to the office copier
@Prof_Hinkley: You never really forget how to misquote sayings. It's like buying a bicycle