@PyrBliss

I take my pants off like everyone else. Getting tangled in one pant leg, stepping on the other, tipping over & hitting my face on the door.

@PyrBliss

If you’ve ever wanted to reconnect with people you haven’t seen in ages, take a quick trip to the grocery store looking like complete shit.

@PyrBliss

If you don’t swear when you’re driving, you aren’t paying enough attention to the road.

@PyrBliss

McDonalds wants you to tell your family you love them because if you keep eating McDonalds it won’t be long before you’re dead.

@PyrBliss

The trick to falling asleep is putting your phone down. Unfortunately, that’s not a risk I’m willing to take.

@PyrBliss

I’ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.

@PyrBliss

Just thought about sex for the 100th time today, and let me tell you, it’s definitely NOT the thought that counts.

@PyrBliss

A dragonfly just landed on my face an I reacted the same way I’d react if an actual dragon had landed on my face.

@PyrBliss

This girl just said, “You know that feeling you get when you really really like someone?” and I was all like, “Nope.” and walked away.

@PyrBliss

Not having any friends means I’m always the pretty one.