I take my pants off like everyone else. Getting tangled in one pant leg, stepping on the other, tipping over & hitting my face on the door.
If you’ve ever wanted to reconnect with people you haven’t seen in ages, take a quick trip to the grocery store looking like complete shit.
If you don’t swear when you’re driving, you aren’t paying enough attention to the road.
McDonalds wants you to tell your family you love them because if you keep eating McDonalds it won’t be long before you’re dead.
The trick to falling asleep is putting your phone down. Unfortunately, that’s not a risk I’m willing to take.
I’ve been repeating the same mistakes in life for so long now I may as well call them traditions.
Just thought about sex for the 100th time today, and let me tell you, it’s definitely NOT the thought that counts.
A dragonfly just landed on my face an I reacted the same way I’d react if an actual dragon had landed on my face.
This girl just said, “You know that feeling you get when you really really like someone?” and I was all like, “Nope.” and walked away.
Not having any friends means I’m always the pretty one.